Denial is an amazing tool, perhaps the most useful one I’ve managed to acquire during my time on this planet.

Of course, it’s bloody useless as well because until you can see what you need to do you have no clue what you need to do. Useful and useless immediately makes me think of the penis I wasn’t born with so had to construct. More on that at a later date no doubt.

All the times I quipped ‘Ha! I’m such a straight bloke’ were more than just casual remarks. The inability to have anyone touch me ‘there’ wasn’t because I was nervous or insecure or any of the other defects I convinced myself I had and then tried to cure myself off. It was because what was ‘there’ wasn’t what was supposed to be ‘there,’ nor did it work the way I wanted it, expected it or needed it to.

It was all wrong. I was all wrong and no matter what I seemed to do nothing seemed to make it right.

And then I met a trans guy.

The floodgates opened no more than a few minutes after I heard him tell his story. There was no more denial, no more getting away from what I’d tried everything in my power to hide from. His story was my story and none of it could be denied anymore.

It is difficult to know where to begin a story which has encompassed my whole life but, in real terms, only began about six years ago.

This handbook is the tale of a straight guy who lived the best part of his life as a lesbian as he tries to navigate this strange new world.
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Belfast-based trans guy. Have words, will travel. If in doubt, assume sarcasm

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